When we’re overwhelmed by a difficult emotion—anger, anxiety, sadness, shame—it’s easy to feel like we’ve lost control.
Our mind starts racing. Our body feels activated. And often, we assume that we don’t know what to do.
But here’s something fascinating from psychological research: most people already have strategies that help them cope.
The challenge is not a lack of tools.
The challenge is remembering and using them in the moment.
One evidence-based approach from Solution Focused therapy focuses on helping people reconnect with their own internal wisdom and past successes.
Because when we remember our strengths, we’re far more likely to use them again.
Let’s Try It Now
Take a moment to think back.
When was the last time you handled a difficult emotion well?
Maybe you were frustrated but paused instead of reacting.
Maybe you felt anxious but used a breathing technique.
Maybe you reached out to someone instead of isolating.
Now ask yourself:
What did you actually do?
Write down anything that comes to mind. There’s no right answer. Your strategies might include things like:
Taking a walk
Pausing before responding
Talking to someone you trust
Writing your thoughts down
Practicing deep breathing
Giving yourself time before making a decision
Shifting your perspective on the situation
These are not small things. They are skills.
And each time you use them, your brain strengthens the pathways that make those responses easier in the future.
Let’s Go Deeper:
Now go one step further.
Ask yourself:
Why did that strategy help?
Maybe it helped because:
It gave your nervous system time to settle
It interrupted a spiral of negative thoughts
It helped you feel supported and less alone
It allowed you to see the situation more clearly
It created space between the feeling and your reaction
This step matters because understanding why something works increases the likelihood that you’ll use it again.
When you recognize what works for you—and intentionally practice it—you begin to build a personal toolkit for navigating life’s challenges.
