📖 DEARMAN to Communicate

This skill is a step-by-step guide for asking for what you need, setting boundaries, or saying ‘no’—while keeping the relationship strong and feeling good about yourself.

DEAR MAN is an acronym that stands for:

• D: Describe

• E: Express

• A: Assert

• R: Reinforce

• M: (Stay) Mindful

• A: Appear Confident

• N: Negotiate

1. D - Describe
 Start by clearly describing the facts of the situation, just like a reporter would. Stick to what you can see or hear—no judgment or opinions.
 Example: ‘I noticed that you borrowed my headphones yesterday and didn’t return them.’

2. E - Express
 Next, express your feelings or thoughts about the situation. Use ‘I’ statements to keep it about you.
 Example: ‘I feel frustrated because I need my headphones for work.’

3. A - Assert
State what you want or need—clearly and directly.
 Example: ‘I’d really appreciate it if you could return my headphones by tonight.’

4. R - Reinforce
 Reinforce by explaining the positive outcome of meeting your request, or gently pointing out what might happen otherwise.
 Example: ‘That way, I can finish my project on time, and we’ll both feel better about it.’

5. M - Stay Mindful
 Stay on track. If they interrupt, criticize, or try to distract you, calmly repeat your point or ask for what you need.
 Example: ‘I understand, but I still need the headphones by tonight.’

6. A - Appear Confident
 Use a steady voice, make eye contact, and keep an open posture. Even if you feel nervous, acting confident can help.

7. N - Negotiate
 Be willing to compromise if needed. If the person says ‘no,’ ask what might work instead.
 Example: ‘I understand you’re busy. Could I get the headphones first thing tomorrow morning instead?’